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Humor and Jokes

Fwd: Fw: Insults. Humorous
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May have to forward a few of these, or use them!  
Nol

Sent from my iPhone

On Mar 16, 2023, at 7:58 AM, Judy Podlesney (judydpod@gmail.com) <Humor@rappathome.net> wrote:


Some zingers thru the ages:

Some zingers thru the ages:

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Sent: Tuesday, March 14, 2023 at 07:16:07 PM EDT
Subject: Fw: Insults. Humorous



These insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to  4-letter words. Insults then, had some class! 
    
1.  "I  am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play;  
 Bring a  friend, if you have one."
     George  Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.  
        
 "Cannot  possibly attend first night, I  will attend the second...If  there is one."
     -  Winston Churchill, in response.   
      
 2.   A  member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will  either die on the gallows, or of some  unspeakable  disease."
     ·  "That  depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace  your policies or your  mistress." 
    
  3. "He  had delusions of  adequacy."    -  Walter Kerr 
    
4. "I  have never killed a man, but I have read many  obituaries with great  pleasure."
     -  Clarence Darrow
 
 5.  "He  has never been known to use a word that might  send a reader to the  dictionary."
     -  William Faulkner (about Ernest  Hemingway). 
   
6."Thank  you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll  waste no time reading  it."
     -  Moses Hadas
    
7. "I  didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice  letter saying I approved of  it."
     -  Mark Twain
 
 8. "He  has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his  friends.."
     -  Oscar Wilde 
   
  9. "I  feel so miserable without you; it's almost like  having you  here."
     -  Stephen Bishop
    
10."He  is a self-made man and worships his creator."
     -  John Bright
    
 11. "I've  just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's  nothing  trivial."
     -  Irvin S. Cobb 
   
 12. "He  is not only dull himself; he is the cause of  dullness in  others."
     -  Samuel Johnson 
   
13.  "He  is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
     -  Paul  Keating
      
14.  "In  order to avoid being called a flirt, she always  yielded  easily."
     -  Charles, Count Talleyrand
 
 15.  "He  loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
     -  Forrest Tucker 
   
 16.  "Why  do you sit there looking like an envelope  without any address on  it?"
     -  Mark Twain 
   
17. "His  mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
     -  Mae West
 
 18.  "Some  cause happiness wherever they go; others,  whenever they  go."
     -  Oscar Wilde
 
 19. "He  uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than  illumination."
     -  Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
 
20.  "He  has Van Gogh's ear for  music."
     -  Billy Wilder
 
21. "I've  had a perfectly wonderful  evening.  But  this wasn't  it."
     -  Groucho  Marx.

22."He  has all the virtues I dislike and none of the  vices I  admire."
     -  Winston Churchill

【PS】
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